Want to get Angry Less Often?
Check out this mind shift.
I learned this week from the work by Albert Ellis, psychotherapist that the reason we get angry is because we are walking around with underlying beliefs, based on "musts" and "shoulds".
In the circumstance we find ourselves in, we take the position that the world or these people "should" be behaving in a way that gosh darn it, they're just not.
This disconnect between our underlying belief and the reality of the present circumstance, be it the weather, pandemic, our daughter's room, causes us to get angry.
The key to managing our anger effectively lies in examining our underlying beliefs. What we discover in that examination is reality. Yes, it would be NICE if it wasn't raining today, it would be GREAT if my child cleaned her room, or if my boss recognized my great work, but there is no universal law MANDATING it.
That is all on me. And the sooner I get clear on my "should'as" the less angry I will be.
So, when you feel yourself getting heated (emotions are there as cues), ask yourself, what Should am I imposing on this situation, and reframe it as a "nice to have" and see if you can use that as your jumping off point to guide the rest of your interaction and experience in that moment.